All But Dead in this Merecyless World We Live In
by Ino Death
Summary: note: Ok has anyone ever wondered what it would be like if Misaki died before he ever met Usagi-san and how would Usagi-san be if he never met Misaki would he fall apart after he met Takahiro's wife or would he still be the same-old hidden depressed rabbit, will he ever meet, Misaki or will he live to see Takahiro live a happy life? (all relationship characters)


Chapter one: Alone in pain

Akihiko was trying to make a new B.L. novel but he couldn't. he was so angry and depressed that his beloved Takahiro was getting married. He wanted to curl up into a ball and just die without having anyone interrupt him. It was only then he remembered that if he wanted to end his friendship of despair he would have to voice his opinion but he didn't want Takahiro to feel like he was doing something wrong, but it was killing him slowly but surly. It was then he decided to write but instead of using his pen name he was going to use his real name and tell Takahiro that way. He then started to write and write, but he was writing he didn't even realize the tears that were falling down his face as he wrote his new book.

* * *

_ Betrayal knows my name and they can haunt me with the worst of nightmares_

_"only I know your pain, your uncertainty, your loneliness. If only we could be together forever, I'll say it as many times as you want and need…**I WILL NEVER BETRAY YOU!**" I wish I could be the one you love instead of being in this one sided love but I already know you love a female, not that its wrong for a male to love a female that only normal to love a female instead of a male, but I still yearn and pine for your love. I may not show my true feelings but deep down inside I just can under stand why you would choose her over me your best friend from high school and still your best friend now. Why cant you realize that I love you. Takahiro Takahashi if your reading this this is what truly feel. I already know by the time this book comes out you will already be married but I just cant tell you this to your face. I want you to be happy that's true and always will be, but some times I wish that I could have you to myself. There have even been time when I thought about locking you up and keeping you at my house but I know you would never come to loving me like that, so I decided to keep up the best friend act and hope you would too come to love me the same way I do you. You call me Usagi which means rabbit but it hurt to think that I was probably just a toy or some type of animal that you would play with. I know you were smart enough to tell me you hated me but it seems that you enjoyed torturing me with emotions that were beyond my control. I wish you would have told me you hated me, and that would be the end of every thing, but it seems that you don't realize how much I loved you. I wanted to protected you to keep you smiling, but I guess that you don't seem to understand that I cant deal with all your… lies. So I now must put an end to this stupid yet sorrowful unrequited love. Good bye Takahiro. I hope you have a nice life with your wife and I hope you understand that you will never see me or any trace of me after this book is published. Wow I'm actually crying. Well good bye to you Takahiro and the rest of my fans. For those of you who read the ceil B.L. novels then don't even bother waiting for then next novel because I write them. So now you see, I cant bare loving someone who I know will never love me in return, so I tell you all this 'goodbye fans, goodbye Takahiro, goodbye morning and night skies, goodbye life'. So now you know. I hope you have a nice life with your wife but I hope that since now you know how much I love that you don't regret treating me like how you did, yet instead have your life filled with pain and hatred toward your self and never die by suicide but instead die by natural cause so you can greave your whole life away. For all those who are in a one sided love just give up before you get too deep or else you will only end up how I did at the end of this short yet sorrowful story. Please don't put the book down after this passage is done because there us still more I have to say and it is right in the story._

Chapter 1: my hope is gone

It was half past 15:00 and I was walking to Takahiro's place, it was his birthday. I had just came from the convenient store to buy some cake. I had the spare key to his apartment and since he was at work I decided to surprise him and make him smile. I had set everything up. I bought lots of sushi, rice and fish. I had also bought some party favors. About an hour had pasted before he came home, as soon as he entered the dinning room I had popped the pop confetti. He was surprised and I saw the happiest yet suspicious smile on his face, but I had let it go. I told him he should always lock the door when he comes into the house when I heard another person enter the apartment, it was then he said sorry and told me he was getting married. My eyes grew wide and my face turned to look like a child who had lost their mother or father, but I had lost the one I loved the most.

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He tried to keep on topic but his mind wondered to other thought like. '_what am I, why am I even writing this why don't I just kill myself already and get it over with, I don't want to live anymore in this world with my life as stupid as this I wish that I could have been is love his object of affection but I guess I never will… I'm crying? Well I guess that's suppose to be expected after everything I loved about him but it seems that I will never get to see what real love is about. Yet I still smile now even after all this. I guess this is the smile they call a sorrowful smile yet even with that their still happy with what happen to them. Well I guess I should just end the book with my words.' _Akihiko thought without a moment hesitation he wrote the last book he would ever write and with that we made a little note at the end and this is what it said:

I have finished the book I wrote for all of those who wished to know how my life would end and with that it does not end with blood shed or a knife it end with a sorrow filled smile and one last breath and a body on a couch. Eyes with no life in them no happiness or sadness but loneliness with a bear in my arms and a note that says goodbye world of sadness and hello world of darkness cold and nothingness where I belong. That is it my friend fans and family.

* * *

After he had finished writing like he said he took his overlarge bear Suzuki-san and laid there on the couch and did nothing but stop his breathing. He kept his eyes open but soon after not breathing his eye saw nothing but blackness. He felt like he was being pulled into a dark and cold place that somehow felt nice, comforting.

Akihiko was always alone even when he was a kid he kept to himself. He would either stay out in the garden or in his room with nothing but a note book and a pen or pencil what ever he could write with he could write with he would and that was his way of surviving bit in the end he just couldn't bare living in this world. It was then he remembered reading a small but very helpful little story.

_**No world exist without sacrifice. We do not realize that what we call hell, where ash floats upon the sea of blood is the world. When all is lost we call out for god but all that happens in response is nothing but silence and nothingness. What we humans are is nothing but wastes of space. So when we are n danger we give up on everything by dying. And receiving a dark hole with no escape, but do we want to go back to a world with useless blood shed and broken hearts or do we want to sit in a black hole with on escape and voices that cloud our minds and drive us crazy. But that is what live is because you cannot escape a world without sacrifice, because no world exists without it.**_

_~ Ino Death Mataruhei Narumi~_


End file.
